Avenging Edward
by Belts
Summary: The people of Forks thought it was funny to prank Edward on April Fool's Day. Now, they shall suffer the consequences. Edward will stop at nothing to get his revenge. Sequel to "Fooling Edward".
1. My Shopping Trolley's Murdered

**AVENGING EDWARD**

**_The Sequel to Fooling Edward_**

**Chapter One**

The dimly lit forest blurred past me in a series of green and brown blurs. The almost silence that surrounded me, and the trees that swayed in the soft whispers of the wind, put me in almost perfect tranquillity.

At last I slowed, permitting myself to resist the coward that had risen inside of me. I had come to terms with the fact that my 'foolers' needed to experience what I had ... only in a different way; a torturous way.

Ideas began to form in my mind, swelling up like a great storm erupting from the volcano of my brain. I grinned, marvelling at my ingenuity. Sounds erupted from my lips that I did not recognise at first, until I realised that I was experiencing laughter ... maniacal laughter.

Home was far away. It had taken me at least six hours to get to where I was, and I felt instant annoyance at the fact I would have to run all the way back.

In desperation, I closed my eyes tightly and clicked my heels together, whispering "There's no place like home, there's no place like home."

I oped my eyes. To my immediate despair, nothing had changed. I sighed and began to run, increasing my pace.

As I ran, more ideas came, and in the many hours it took for me to finally return to Forks, I had gathered a master plan. It was so amazing that not even I could believe it.

When I reached my beautiful home, I slowed, noticing the door open.

My sister Alice danced out. The expression etched on her face was both furious and relieved.

"Edward Maximillian Cullen! I have half a mind to -"

"My name is not Cullen anymore, Alice, it's Coolen. Got that? Coolen, as in 'cool'. That, my dear sister, is how we Americans pronounce it. Coo-len. I figure everyone just thinks I'm cool. Which I am. Yup ... cool ... me ... Edward ... yeah ... hmm ..."

"You, Edward Cullen, yes, exaggeration on the 'u' there, are not cool. You are, in fact, a fool, a tool, absolute DROOL," Alice replied scathingly, clearly thinking that all they April Fool pranks had addled my brain.

Well, they had.

"If you wish to see that fool tool drool," I replied coldly, "He'll be in his room."

I then proceeded to wink with both eyes simultaneously. I stormed off, leaving Alice bewildered, and cheered up at the fact that I was about to get my own back.

Racing up the stairs and down the hall, I briefly glanced into Carlisle's study. He sat there with his head in his hands.

Just as I was about to enter my room, I heard his soft pleading voice filled the hall.

"Edward ... Edward I'm so sorry, please, please forgive me. I regret everything that happened. I'm sorry."

Carlisle looked pathetic as he lingered just outside his study, waiting for my response.

"I really don't need your sympathy right now, Carlisle. Just give me time and maybe ..."

It was rude, but he deserved it.

Glad to be back in my room, I looked around for my favourite blue and pink writing pad and my green pen. When I had found them, I sat at my desk and wrote my exquisite plan.

When I was done, I sat back in my chair, eagerly awaiting tomorrow, when I would put my plan into action.


	2. My Groceries Just Gone

**Chapter Two**

The grey clouds covered the sky in a way that made me entirely grateful for their existence. It was the day; the day of happiness and revenge for Edward Cullen.

As soon as I arrived at Bella's, I jumped out of the car, eager to get to school and perform my first act.

I raced toward her door, in a way that Bella certainly would not have approved of; I was risking my existence by being revealed.

I knocked three times, and waited for Bella to plod down the stairs. How slow she was. At last, she had reached the door, and upon seeing me her face transformed. She was beyond happy. I had returned to her.

"Oh, Edward," she cried, flinging herself into my arms. "I'm so, so, so, so sorry."

"Sweetie," I replied, patting her hair. "It's okay, I'm fine."

Deep down however, I was furious, bubbling; ready to burst.

"Edward ..." Charlie was standing nearby.

"Howdy Charlie! Didn't expect you to be here. Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Day off. Thought I'd look after Bella. She's been up all night, crying. She thought you had left her again."

"DAD!" Bella screamed.

I looked at her in fake astonishment.

"You thought that?"

She turned away, embarrassed.

"I thought you were so mad that you'd left. When you didn't come back ... I expected the worst."

With that, she burst into sobs.

"Sweets, I'm here now. It's okay. Shhhh. Come on, we'll be late for school. Go grab your bag."

"School?! How could you think of school at a time like this?" she cried out in bewilderment.

"I think we need to take our minds off things ... and go learn stuff."

"Sure Edward. Like someone with two medical degrees actually needs to go."

"You never know," I replied, shrugging.

"Fine," she sighed. "Be right back."

She raced up the stairs, tripping. I knew that from my plans, I would be seeing a lot more of that.

"So Charlie ..." I started, attempting conversation.

"I don't like it," Charlie replied in a rather nasal voice.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't like ANYTHING!" he screamed.

"Charlie ... are you feeling ... erm ... sane?"

"My shopping trolley, murdered."

"Uhh ... cool?"

"My life, murdered."

My conclusion of this rather confusing conversation was that Charlie had become deranged. This scared me.

"BELLA!" I called. "COME! COME TO THY SCHOOL!"

As soon as she had reached the landing, I swept her off her feet and raced her to my sleek silver Volvo.

"Rather eager, aren't we?" she inquired, frowning.

"Eh ... yes."

"Edward, what the hell is with you today?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'm good ... Bella?" I asked as we reached the car park at the school. I turned and faced her, letting my breath linger on her face, and kissed her softly and sweetly.

She struggled for words.

"Breathe, Bella."

She breathed.

"Okay, what do you want?" she asked.

"Can I take you to gym? It's your first class, right?"

"Yeah. Fine ... Edward, are you sure you're okay?" she asked, concern filling every part of her face.

I felt a grin creep over my face.

"Never better."

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**A/N: I wrote a song for you all.**

**You can listen to it on my band's website (The Amusement War).**

**The URL is on my profile page.**

**The vocals are performed by my friend, Lucinda.**

**Enjoy it. Review this.**


	3. And I Don't Like It

**Chapter Three**

Excitement bubbled up inside of me and I could hardly contain myself. I smiled broadly as Bella and I made our way toward the entrance of the school.

I followed her slowly, immersed in thoughts that made me deliriously happy. My smile widened.

Bella turned to glance at me, and upon seeing the rather unusual expression on my face, she could not look away.

"Edward, what's going on?" she asked, her tone suspicious.

"Well, Isabella," I replied, noticing her flinch at 'Isabella', "Something utterly AWESOME is about to happen."

"Oh Gods! Tell me. You know I don't like surprises."

"Nope."

"Edward. Pleeeeeeeeassssssse?" she whined pathetically.

"No. Too bad if you don't like surprises."

At the last comment, her face turned from pleading to infuriated.

"You'll find out soon enough, love."

As we reached the gym, I pecked her on the cheek. She smiled and turned around. I followed.

"Edward! What are you doing?"

"Well … I thought I might actually join you today."

She looked horrified.

"Why?!"

"Because I can."

"What about your other class?"

"I'm sure I'll catch up," I replied, grinning broadly.

"Well you can't follow me, I need to change … unless … you wanted to stay … and we could …"

"No," I answered, causing her face to fall. "I do not intend to stay with you. I'm going to speak to your teacher. You have Mr. Hoonewalaraka as your gym teacher, yes?"

"Indeed. Indeed I do."

With that, I marched toward the entrance of the gym and searched for Mr. Hoonewalaraka, which wasn't difficult. He was a rather uninteresting man to listen to, thought-wise. He was entirely immersed in sports, like it was some horrible disease. Listening to his thoughts sucked like malaria.

"Hey there Mr. Hoonewalaraka."

"Hello, Edward, why are you not in class?" he asked, raising his bushy eyebrows.

"I thought I would join you today," I replied, casually.

"You know, Edward, you shouldn't be here."

"I know, sir, but please, I just don't_ feel_ like attending my music class this morning. Please? Please may I stay?"

My rather persuasive, musical voice, hit him square in his square face. I battered my eyelashes.

"Um, uh ..."

He was becoming flustered. He cleared his throat and answered. "Well, alrighty then, Eddy."

"Just one more thing, sir, I wanted to ask."

"What's that?" he asked, returning his attention to a score sheet he held in his hands.

"Can I _teach_ the class today?"

"Absolutely not. No. No way. Nuh-uh. Blessing on my budgerigars, what on Earth, Edward? Of course you can't."

"Oh please?"

Impossible tears began to glisten in my clear, topaz eyes. "Please, I'll be eternally grateful. I'll do anything, ANYTHING for you. Just give me this one chance to follow my dream. You see, I've always wanted to be a gym teacher."

My agony caused tears to roll down his cheeks. I could see the conclusion drawing in his mind, but I kept my face in a position that said I was in pain.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" he cried. "Sure you can. I mean, it's good training for you. Yes. Okay. Fine. Where do you want me? Shall I leave? 'Cause I can leave if you want."

"Yes, yes I would desire that," I answered, my face completely composed now.

As he plodded off, I rubbed my hands together.

"Hehehe." I let the laugh escape from my lips.

I stood at attention as the class filed in. Upon looking at me, their bored expressions became rather confused as they saw me standing at the front, waiting to begin.

Bella had her mouth hanging open, I could see a bit of drool hanging from the corner. She shook herself, and closed her mouth. She walked towards me and started to whisper furiously in my ear.

"Edward, what are you doing?!"

"Teaching," I replied.

"WHY?!" she screamed, causing the whole class to stare at us.

"Bella, I've always wanted to be a gym teacher."

She simply glared at me.

"Okay class!" I said, making my voice louder, "It's time."

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**A/N: The Amusement War now has two songs up. Techno-style. Because we can. Check them out - link's on my profile page!**


	4. No, I Don't Like It

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A/N: Coach Clapp is dead. He was killed in a tragic boating incident. Hence, Coach Hoonewalakara.

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Chapter Four

Mike Newton was sobbing.

"MIKE, GET UP, FOOL!" I demanded, screaming in his face.

"I C-C-CAN'T, I WON'T!"

"You must," I replied in a deadly whisper, "because if you don't get up, something worse will come your way."

He looked like he was about to throw up at the thought, so he stood up, rather shakily.

I assumed my position in front of the class, and instantly they snapped to attention. Evidentally, I had taught them well.

"Okay, now, we're performing this. I entered you all into a competition," I announced to the class, "so get practising."

I walked toward the CD player and pressed play.

"This part, you guys! You're not getting it. You have to. Okay, absolute unison. And kick two, three, four and jump HIGH. Then spread your legs into the splits and back flip guys while you girls do this part of the routine."

I stopped speaking and demonstrated. I twirled, I danced, I jumped, I did cartwheels. I shook my pom-poms.

I smiled as I looked around at the class. They had no idea how to do back flips or the splits or pyramids. The idea of cheerleading to anyone normal was their worst nightmare.

One person had snapped a ligament, another had twisted their ankle and yet another had landed on their head and had gotten a concussion.

It was so cool to fool.

Bella stood at the end of the line, despising me all the while; her dirty looks could burn any mortal. I merely smiled and whispered 'I love you'.

She glowered. She had fallen down so many times, and each time I had laughed loudly in her face.

"Spin! SPIN! I SAID SPIN! FUCKING HELL DO YOU CALL THAT SPINNING?! YOUR GRANDMOTHER COULD SPIN FASTER THAN THAT!" I yelled at Jessica.

"I'm trying, I'm TRYING!" she cried, on the verge of tears.

"Now shake, shake, shake two, three, four. BELLA, GET BACK IN LINE!"

Bella had removed herself from the end of the line and had walked away. There was no way she could leave. All the doors had been locked from the outside. I had asked Mr. Hoonewalaraka to lock them before he left, and unlock them when the bell rang.

"NO EDWARD," she screamed. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? IT'S TORTURE!"

"Yes, yes, that is what I was aiming for," I replied calmly.

"Well. you know Edward, for someone who is meant to be compassionate, caring and totally selfless, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST PRICK! And well…" she trailed off, almost scared as if what she was about to say was life changing.

"Well what?" I demanded.

She took a deep breath.

"I don't love you like I did yesterday."

As soon as she uttered these words, I was furious.

"Bella, GET BACK IN LINE! NOW!"

She sighed and turned away, her shoulders slumping immensely. I thought she looked hideous. It was the first time I had ever thought that.

The words she had said only moments ago began to take effect on me. Ignoring the class, I turned to her, and asked quietly, "Bella, are you breaking up with me?"


	5. If You Vote One Nation Out

**Chapter Five**

The cafeteria had been completely deserted. Not a soul in sight. Somewhere in the school, I knew my fellow students weren't feeling all that healthy ... but rather angry.

The eerie silence was pierced by my roaring laughter.

You see, gym class had started to lose its effect, and I had decided to complete another one of my missions to inflict painful revenge on anyone in my sight.

There were still ten minutes of the lesson left, and to the class's rather miraculous relief, I had left them to do whatever the hell they wanted for the last ten minutes.

The doors were still locked, so I kicked it effortlessly, and the door opened with a creak.

Quietly I snuck down towards the cafeteria, where the food was most likely to be already prepared and ready for the ravenous mortals.

Inside my jacket pocket I had neatly placed a few bottles of rat poison.

Smiling to myself, I emptied the contents throughout the food, knowing that instantly they would be affected.

I sat down in my usual seat and waited for Bella to assume her position in front of me.

The bell rang and finally, Bella arrived, taking her time to select a delectable assortment of cafeteria food.

As she sat opposite me, she stared at me cautiously, fearing that I would provoke her to continue the conversation that was so publicly displayed in the gym.

Ignoring me completely, she started to eat. I stared off into space, pretending to be listening to something far away, until I saw in the corner of my eye that Bella had turned green.

"Bella," I said, "Your face, it's …"

"What?" she asked, biting her lip.

"Well, it's some putrid colour," I replied in disgust.

"Thanks so much!" she yelled, her voice dripping with sarcasm, but before she could say anymore, she had run off.

Slowly, everyone around me began to file out in either a quick pace or a desperate run.

My plan was working perfectly, but it was only half over. They would be infuriated by the time they reached the toilets - some probably wouldn't even notice until they had thrown up.

I had covered the toilet seats in extra strong gladwrap and had taped them until not even my inhuman strength could rip them off. The thought of the vomit everywhere caused me to laugh loudly.

But then I stopped.

Bella …


	6. I Don't Like It

**CHAPTER SIX**

They all died.

**THE END**

**A/N:** Hope you liked this story. It's one of my favourites. - Erick.

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